* If you keep these strange Imperial-thread bolts in your pocket in case the dashboard falls off.

* If WD40 has a higher priority on the household budget than milk.

* When your husband starts referring to you as "my ex-", although you are still married.

* If your bathtub bears a sign: "Not suitable for engine blocks".

* When you dream of burned Lucas electrics when your wife smokes a cigarette in bed

* If even Essex girls turn you down after they`ve seen your car.

* If 10 lbs of of prime top soil fall on the tarmac when you smack your door shut

* If you store K&N air filter cleaning liquid under the kitchen sink because you need it so often

* When you drive in shorts in the flemish winter to avoid wet jeans.

* If nobody parks next to you on a Saturday supermarket parking lot

* If only the African immigrants greet you in town

* If your kitchen table shows marks of engine blocks.

* When you can't find any clothes without battery acid holes or engine oil stains

* If you wonder why it smells so funny if you throw a cig butt on the floor of a rental car

* If you start every conversation in the vehicle with "one, two, test" to check the intercom

* When even Russians don't believe your truck is only 20 years old

* When there are more tools in the truck than in your house

* If you think it's essential to carry 20 litres of water at all times, even in Belgium

* If the only two shops you know in town are the parts dealer and the tool shop

* When you decide on weekend plans in bed and the alternatives are grease-up or fix the radiator

* If you buy rear mirrors in bulk at the farmer's union shop

* When the GPS in your vehicle has the main purpose to replace the speedo and odometer

* When you are surprised that the M.O.T. mentions the condition of your seats in the report

* If you wonder why the moss in your truck's inner window sills is greener than your lawn

* When you are used to switch off headlights before indicating right because they interfere

* If all your jacket pockets and belt loops are torn by LR door locks

* When you find a gas evaporator between salt and pepper in the kitchen

* When a Russian women observes 'these are not women's hands' and someone adds 'just don't ask her what she has been repairing this time...'

* When your friends steal imperial sockets for you as a wedding present

* When your handbag contains pliers, multimeter, Swisstool, insulation tape, 30 amps fuses, compass, imperial bolts and a torch

* If you only dare to use the coin operated car wash on a dark Sunday night

* If friends don't want you to show up in the afternoon because they got visitors but then they call you at 8 AM on a Sunday morning when they're stuck in the forest.

* when other girls give you a 1 1/8" socket as a present -and they know you love it!

All the above is nothing but our own experience - Annette & Takeo

* You can't decide whether to park on a hill in case your starter fails or on the flat in case your handbrake fails.

* You put your coat on as you get INTO your car.

* You keep degreaser in the shower.

* When you borrow your Mums 1litre Vauxhall Corsa it feels like a sports car.

* You get lent to elderly relatives and their friends to get the compost from the garden centre. Two tonnes at a time.

* Your friends all want to ride in your car if you're going less than three miles. If you're travelling more than three miles, they volunteer to walk.

* Your mates laugh at your car until theirs needs pulling out of a ditch.

Tom C.

*"If, whilst driving, you frequently turn down the volume of the stereo ....

to check for new noises"

J. Galea

* You stop at a petrol station to top up oil and to check the petrol level

* Your washing machine never gets unemployed

* Your favourite books are the parts catalogue and the reapair operation manual

(Matthias Brinkmann)